


Even If You're Not Here

by katie_bugg



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Christmas, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 21:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katie_bugg/pseuds/katie_bugg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard will always love Frank. No matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even If You're Not Here

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Even If You're Not Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3524897) by [JaneFroste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneFroste/pseuds/JaneFroste)



It was Christmas morning, and Gerard Way was just getting up. He went straight into the bathroom; although he didn’t normally shower on Christmas, this was a special occasion.

He quickly turned on the shower to warm while he got undressed. Gerard remembered how he and Frank had chosen this house because of the "fancy" shower. It had a place to sit and the faucet had multiple settings. Gerard told him that they could buy a faucet like that anywhere, but Frank wouldn’t listen.

Stepping out of the shower, Gerard dried off and hung a towel around his waist and another around his hair. He opened his closet and thumbed through his clothes. All the clothes he had, and he couldn’t find anything perfect enough.

After staring into the closet for close to five minutes, Gerard let his gaze drift over to the back corner. He walked over to what hung there, and touched the soft black vest with his finger tips. He nodded to himself and pulled the hanger down.  

 Gerard carefully buttoned up the vest and smoothed it out along his chest. He looked into the mirror and was drawn back to the day he bought it.

 

  _Gerard walked out of the dressing room, feeling foolish. How did he manage to get a date with Frank Iero, he didn’t know, and how that date was to go clothes shopping? He had no clue. He walked down the row of dressing rooms to the big mirror at the end of the hall._

_"I look ridiculous." Gerard said as he eyes himself in the mirror. He was wearing dark jeans; a white button down shirt (tucked in, of course) a black and white striped tie, and a black vest._

_Suddenly, Frank appeared in the mirror behind him._

_"Ridiculous? You're kidding right? You look fucking hot." Frank grabbed his shoulders and forced him to turn around. For being so short, he really was pushy. "See, when you wear clothes like this, I can show you off to people."_

_Gerard felt a blush start to rise in his cheeks. He masked his embarrassment by pushing Frank out of the way and walking back to his dressing room. Gerard started to unbutton the vest and muttered, "Fine, I'll buy the fucking clothes."_

_He was just turning into the small changing area when Frank tapped on his shoulder. Gerard turned around but before he could say anything, Frank was tugging on his tie. Frank pulled Gerard down with his tie, and kissed him. Frank broke off the kiss and poked Gerard's shoulder. "Go change into your hoodie and baggy jeans now, hobo."_

 Gerard was shaken from his memory when to phone started to ring. He walked to the bedside, throwing one last look into the mirror.

 "Hello?" he answered, not bothering to check the caller ID.

 "Hi, Gerard. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Mikey," Gerard smiled; it was good to hear his brother's voice.

 "How are you doing?"

 Gerard rolled his eyes and answered, "I'm great Mikey. You're still coming over later, right? I won't be able to eat all this food without you."

 "You know what I mean. This is your first Christmas in - what eight years?- without him."

Gerard's smile instantly dropped from his face, and he felt an ache start to bloom in is heart. The feeling was all too familiar lately.

 "I'll be fine. I just need to go and visit him. I need to see him again."

 Gerard heard Mikey sigh and then say, "Do you really think today is the best day for that? We could go tomorrow or next week or something."

 "Thanks, Mikes, but this is something I have to do alone. I'm sorry."

 There was a pause on the other line. "Just be careful, okay Gerard? I love you."

"Love you too, Mikey."

 Mikey hung up, and Gerard sat on his bed. He ran a hand through his messy black hair and stood up.

He walked down the bare hallway that used to have pictures of him and Frank hanging on the walls. Gerard had to take them down because they were too painful to look at. They now sat in a box in the guest room at the end of the hall. All of them except for Gerard's favorite, which hung on the Christmas tree.

 When Gerard walked by the tree, he felt tears sting his eyes. He bought the same tree with Frank when they spent their first Christmas together. On Christmas day, there were presents scattered underneath it. Now, the floor is bare of anything.

 He choked back the tears, remembering his promise not to cry. Gerard was sure that when Frank made him promise he only meant not to cry in the moment. Because seeing Gerard cry made Frank cry and Frank needed to be strong.

Gerard poured himself a cup of coffee and drank it at the counter. As soon as he finished, he took the picture off of the tree, grabbed his keys, and walked out the door. Even though it was Christmas, it wasn’t too cold and there was no snow on the ground. Hardly anyone was on the street and when Gerard walked into the General Store down the street, he wasn’t surprised to find it empty.

Gerard bought a bouquet of flowers and left the store, getting ready to see Frank. As he walked along the sidewalk, Gerard thought about when he first met Frank.

 

  _Gerard downed his drink and signaled for another one while he sat at the bar. It was half past nine and he was already drunk. Gerard Way, at 24, had been an alcoholic since the minute he'd turned 21. Since it was legal, no one could stop him. That night at the bar had been a particularly awful one. He had gone there with his boyfriend and, after returning from the bathroom, he saw his boyfriend making out with someone else. His boyfriend claimed that he and Gerard had never made it exclusive. They had been dating for three years._

_Gerard finished his drink and was about to order another one when the boy sitting next to him said, "Shouldn’t you slow down with the beers?"_

_Gerard answered with a gruff, "No." but didn’t touch the beer in front of him. The stranger smiled._

_"I'm Frank, by the way." The stranger - Frank - extended his hand in greeting. Gerard took it and replied, "Gerard."_

_Gerard pushed back his chair and unsteadily got up. He saluted Frank and started to make his way to the door._

_Frank stepped in front of him and asking if he was leaving. "Yup." Gerard hiccupped._

_"Let me walk with you." Frank offered. Gerard really couldn’t refuse._

 Gerard stopped walking when he reached the gate. He looked at the sad sign that read "cemetery" and pushed the gate open. He walked on the winding path through graves until he reached it. The tombstone read:

Frank Anthony Iero Junior

October 31, 1981 - November 30, 2009

Loved All, Loved By All

 "Hi, Frankie," Gerard whispered. He put the flowers and the picture down in front of the grave. Gerard kneeled down in the grass and closed his eyes. "It's been less than a month since I lost you. I still can't believe you're gone. I-" He took a shuddering breath in and felt the familiar ache in his chest and sting behind his eyes. He continued, "I still wish it was me in there instead of you." A single tear slipped out and rolled down his cheek.

 Gerard hurriedly wiped it away, laughing. But the laugh sounded empty, even to his ears. "I didn’t know how I managed not to cry. I still don’t know how I did it. How I'm still doing it." Gerard remembered the week after Frank died, getting drunk for the first time since he met Frank. Sitting in the bathtub so he didn’t have to move when he puked. Mikey using the spare key to get into the house, crying and yelling at Gerard. He could remember what Mikey said and thought abut it everyday. "Get out of the fucking tub, Gerard! Do you think Frank would've wanted this?" That’s what snapped Gerard out of it. Because, no, Frank wouldn’t have wanted that.

 Gerard let out a broken sob and put his face into his hands. He thought about the day Frank died.

 

_Gerard rushed into the hospital room, but stopped in his tracks when he saw Frank. He looked pale and his eyes were only half open, his breaths coming out in small gasps._

_"God," Gerard forced out. "What happened?" He walked over to the bedside and sat down, taking Franks hand._

_"You always told me it wasn’t safe to go to those gigs. Guess I should've listened, huh?" Frank tried to smile._

_Gerard felt like crying. He bent his head down and a tear went down his cheek. Frank pushed Gerard's head up, wiping away the tear._

_"Don’t cry, Gerard. If you cry that means you've already given up and it's all over. Promise me you won't cry, Gerard."_

_"I promise," he whispered._

_The doctor called Gerard out into the hall. "He's not going to make it. The injury was very severe. It's a miracle he's held on this long. There's nothing we can do for him. Say goodbye quickly."_

_Gerard took a deep breath and walked back into the room. He tried to smile reassuringly, but it was shaky._

_"I'm not going to make it, am I?" Frank questioned quietly. His breathing was slow, and only getting slower._

_"Of course you're going to make it."_

_"Gerard, don’t lie. I know I'm not going to. I can feel it. It hurts. And I don’t want to die, Gerard, I don’t." He was struggling for breath. "I heard the doctors. The guy punctured my lung with a knife and the tip broke. People with punctured lungs never live very long if they can't get the object out."_

_"Don’t talk like that."_

_"Gerard, Gerard listen to me." Frank put both of his hands on Gerard's face and looked into his eyes. "I love you. Don’t ever forget that."_

_Gerard never got the chance to reply._

Gerard touched the words on the grave. The tears were flowing freely now, and snow was falling from the sky.

 "I just miss you so much. I wish you were still here, Frank. I wish I could have done something to save you." He took a deep breath and continued, "I'll always love you too, Frankie. Even if you're not here."

 

The End.


End file.
